Saturday, August 13, 2011

Healing the Past

"Healing from our past is an essential aspect of expanding our sense of self and awakening our capacity to love." David Simon

People say, "Forget the past because it's over and done. You can't change it."  And, in one respect this is true. We can't change the past, but we can heal the pain of the past in the present.

I've noticed how my past pain and unhealed sorrow keeps showing up in my present. My choices, thoughts, behavior, relationships, job, and everyday life are affected by what I've not yet healed from my past. So, the pain I experience in my present is a result of what I'm still holding onto from the past.

Example: Even though I've done a lot of healing around my abandonment issues, I still have a tendency to hold on tight to people and attempt to control their life. Ensconced within my fear of abandonment is a belief that if I control others by keeping them in a box, they won't be able to run for the door when they get the chance. I sometimes still expect people to leave me either physically or emotionally.

When I see that I'm attempting to control my husband's decisions, or likes or dislikes, or when I get afraid because he won't let me control him, I pull myself aside into a quiet space. I then give myself the gift of feeling my fear of abandonment in the moment. This helps me to be clear in my mind that what I'm experiencing is not about him, it's about me and my fears. Every time I'm able to do this, I can lovingly step back and appreciate his uniqueness and individuality, and set him free to be the person he is.

Healing our past is a process. It is not a one-time deal.

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